Vyasa Puja

Anything of substance I could ever think to write would only be related to why I am in India and what I'm really doing - not the logistical descriptions I've been giving. This is the source of why I never write. Getting here and being here are both like an elaborate patchwork of mercy and desire.

First, why I am in India. Such an explanation is extremely overwhelming. The reasons are many and they increase with time. There are so many strands in my life that brought me here. The evolution of my religious and spiritual consciousness has been quite the whirlwind, weaving in and out of indifference, atheism, agnosticism, and now deep faith. My somewhat recent obsession with psychology and personality/ego development was like having a new pair of eyes and allowed me to see much deeper into myself and society as a whole. My experiences in the world of work and politics (dictionary.com explains: "use of intrigue or strategy in obtaining any position of power or control..." Meaning: liberals, conservatives, radicals - I was analyzing it all) was intellectually stimulating, but practically it always fell short. Social and political engagement was my vehicle for exploring solutions to suffering/violence and all of these strands combined fueled my search for peace. No matter what my interests or lenses for viewing the world were, I consistently and proudly wore the title of HIPPE (humans in pursuit of a peaceful existence). What I learned from each of these strands, though, was that what I truly sought was love. I saw that without this love- personally, interpersonally, socially- we have nothing. When there is no love there is only violence. So the culmination of all of my experiences, all of these ways of understanding the world, and all of my desires for peace and justice led me to one place: bhakti. Bhakti is pure love and devotion to God. "Who is God? He is the embodiment of love and affection" (from an interview with Srila Bhaktivedanta Narayana Gosvami Maharaja, http://www.purebhakti.com/mission/bhakti-is-love-mainmenu-75/821-interview-with-srila-bhaktivedanta-narayana-gosvami-maharaja.html ).

So the second enormous topic is what is in India: bhakti. Just as there are so many different strands that brought me here, there are innumerable ways to understand bhakti. It has historical, philosophical, scientific, and spiritual threads that together make up what it means to understand and practice bhakti. But the only thing that holds it all together is the heart. Today is Srila Bhaktivedanta Narayana Gosvami Maharaja's birthday. Narayana Maharaja is the primary guru in this line of Gaudiya Vaisnavism. Narayana Maharaja (or, Gurudeva, as he is called by those who are under his guidance for the development of their spiritual consciousness) is the reason I am in India. It is through Gurudeva and others who practice bhakti in its most pure form (a number that can be counted on one hand, as the rest of us are merely scrounging for the remnants of their unconditional love), that we are able to see our ultimate goal and that we are able to begin to understand what is love. Then there is the business of practicing love, which is another story altogether. So this is what I am attempting to do - to understand and practice love. What does this mean? It means humility, tolerance, selflessness. It means destroying the anger, greed, lust, bewilderment, and ignorance that control our behavior and perception of the world and our purpose in it. And how do we do this? We follow the familiar learning process that we're used to in all other endeavors of life, from learning to read to building space shuttles. We learn from a teacher, someone who has the skill we desire and the ability to transmit this to us. Practicing bhakti means hearing, remembering and, for those of us who are most fortunate, seeing what it means to come from a place of love. This is what I am doing in India. And I'm writing because I am grateful that someone would share this process with me. So, once again, Narayana Maharaja has given me the energy and the focus to achieve something that I've wanted to do for a very long time. Finally, I am sharing what is truly meaningful to me with you all. The rest of my goals (humility, restraint, selflessness, compassion, etc) will take longer to achieve, but I pray that I will continue to do this work and not be distracted by the nonsense that pulls us away from what we are all seeking: love.

So, there's no telling whether or not I will ever elaborate on any of these topics, which I truly want to do, but as I've explained, am far too lazy to accomplish. In any case, I hope this post has been somewhat coherent and that you accustomed yourself to my passion for parenthesis, commas and run on sentences. Until next time.

hare krishna,
Kayleigh