This is how I feel right now. There's so much to tell you!!! But I have to go buy some fruits and vegetables to take on our trip to Nepal tomorrow. "Nepal?! Cool! You're going to Nepal!" you're probably thinking. NOT COOL! With a tourist visa, one must leave the country every 6 months. This is poop. Also, a few months ago they made a policy that all tourists have to stay out of the country for 2 months. Even more poop! Apparently, this has since been changed again, but news travels slowly in India. So for the 12 hour bus ride or so we'll be praying that they let us immediately back in so that we can return to the lovely (and extremely noisy and polluted) Mathura. Pleading and bribing will most likely be involved.
I don't even know the last time I wrote anything in here. Unlimited apologies for this.
So....
Dec 17-Feb 16 I have been in Mathura having a blasty blast (as a close associate of mine would describe, I believe this chochacho knows who she is).
Feb 17-March 6 I was in Navadwip, West Bengal - where the greenish brown glow of coconuts call to the passerbys, monkeys as large as the biggest 7th grader in the class run through the streets (terrifying, though I was told they are very sweet natured), and mercy permeates the air like the mist of an orange when you squeeze it for some juice and then it sprays you in the eye and you're like "god damn," but then you know the juice is gonna be so good.
March 7-the present I have been back in Mathura/Govardhana continuing to have a blasty blast.
Along with having a blasty blast I also have painfully sorrowful and tremendously challenging moments. These I will have to explain in more detail later.
In a nutshell, the joys and challenges come from trying to develop a spiritual consciousness. As most endeavors in life, this one has natural challenges. These are most often exacerbated by me, however, due to my daggone propensity to seek perfection immediately in myself and to try to figure out everything in my brain. Do not do these things! They bring misery. Again and again and again I am forced to remind myself to have patience and to listen and nuture the goodness in my heart. Growth, however painful and confusing it may be, should be gradual and natural. I suppose I should also have a positive attitude, because I almost just wrote that I will surely forget all of this within the next hour, followed by more suffering. hahaha, oooooooh.
okay...maybe, maybe...maybe, just maybe I'll jot some notes while I'm on the bus to Nepal that I will share with you all when I get back to Mathura. and maybe pictures too?
Like always, I'm sending lots of love and hoping that everyone is well and that rainbow, glitter happiness is floating all around you.
love,
Kayleigh
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Vyasa Puja
Anything of substance I could ever think to write would only be related to why I am in India and what I'm really doing - not the logistical descriptions I've been giving. This is the source of why I never write. Getting here and being here are both like an elaborate patchwork of mercy and desire.
First, why I am in India. Such an explanation is extremely overwhelming. The reasons are many and they increase with time. There are so many strands in my life that brought me here. The evolution of my religious and spiritual consciousness has been quite the whirlwind, weaving in and out of indifference, atheism, agnosticism, and now deep faith. My somewhat recent obsession with psychology and personality/ego development was like having a new pair of eyes and allowed me to see much deeper into myself and society as a whole. My experiences in the world of work and politics (dictionary.com explains: "use of intrigue or strategy in obtaining any position of power or control..." Meaning: liberals, conservatives, radicals - I was analyzing it all) was intellectually stimulating, but practically it always fell short. Social and political engagement was my vehicle for exploring solutions to suffering/violence and all of these strands combined fueled my search for peace. No matter what my interests or lenses for viewing the world were, I consistently and proudly wore the title of HIPPE (humans in pursuit of a peaceful existence). What I learned from each of these strands, though, was that what I truly sought was love. I saw that without this love- personally, interpersonally, socially- we have nothing. When there is no love there is only violence. So the culmination of all of my experiences, all of these ways of understanding the world, and all of my desires for peace and justice led me to one place: bhakti. Bhakti is pure love and devotion to God. "Who is God? He is the embodiment of love and affection" (from an interview with Srila Bhaktivedanta Narayana Gosvami Maharaja, http://www.purebhakti.com/mission/bhakti-is-love-mainmenu-75/821-interview-with-srila-bhaktivedanta-narayana-gosvami-maharaja.html ).
So the second enormous topic is what is in India: bhakti. Just as there are so many different strands that brought me here, there are innumerable ways to understand bhakti. It has historical, philosophical, scientific, and spiritual threads that together make up what it means to understand and practice bhakti. But the only thing that holds it all together is the heart. Today is Srila Bhaktivedanta Narayana Gosvami Maharaja's birthday. Narayana Maharaja is the primary guru in this line of Gaudiya Vaisnavism. Narayana Maharaja (or, Gurudeva, as he is called by those who are under his guidance for the development of their spiritual consciousness) is the reason I am in India. It is through Gurudeva and others who practice bhakti in its most pure form (a number that can be counted on one hand, as the rest of us are merely scrounging for the remnants of their unconditional love), that we are able to see our ultimate goal and that we are able to begin to understand what is love. Then there is the business of practicing love, which is another story altogether. So this is what I am attempting to do - to understand and practice love. What does this mean? It means humility, tolerance, selflessness. It means destroying the anger, greed, lust, bewilderment, and ignorance that control our behavior and perception of the world and our purpose in it. And how do we do this? We follow the familiar learning process that we're used to in all other endeavors of life, from learning to read to building space shuttles. We learn from a teacher, someone who has the skill we desire and the ability to transmit this to us. Practicing bhakti means hearing, remembering and, for those of us who are most fortunate, seeing what it means to come from a place of love. This is what I am doing in India. And I'm writing because I am grateful that someone would share this process with me. So, once again, Narayana Maharaja has given me the energy and the focus to achieve something that I've wanted to do for a very long time. Finally, I am sharing what is truly meaningful to me with you all. The rest of my goals (humility, restraint, selflessness, compassion, etc) will take longer to achieve, but I pray that I will continue to do this work and not be distracted by the nonsense that pulls us away from what we are all seeking: love.
So, there's no telling whether or not I will ever elaborate on any of these topics, which I truly want to do, but as I've explained, am far too lazy to accomplish. In any case, I hope this post has been somewhat coherent and that you accustomed yourself to my passion for parenthesis, commas and run on sentences. Until next time.
hare krishna,
Kayleigh
First, why I am in India. Such an explanation is extremely overwhelming. The reasons are many and they increase with time. There are so many strands in my life that brought me here. The evolution of my religious and spiritual consciousness has been quite the whirlwind, weaving in and out of indifference, atheism, agnosticism, and now deep faith. My somewhat recent obsession with psychology and personality/ego development was like having a new pair of eyes and allowed me to see much deeper into myself and society as a whole. My experiences in the world of work and politics (dictionary.com explains: "use of intrigue or strategy in obtaining any position of power or control..." Meaning: liberals, conservatives, radicals - I was analyzing it all) was intellectually stimulating, but practically it always fell short. Social and political engagement was my vehicle for exploring solutions to suffering/violence and all of these strands combined fueled my search for peace. No matter what my interests or lenses for viewing the world were, I consistently and proudly wore the title of HIPPE (humans in pursuit of a peaceful existence). What I learned from each of these strands, though, was that what I truly sought was love. I saw that without this love- personally, interpersonally, socially- we have nothing. When there is no love there is only violence. So the culmination of all of my experiences, all of these ways of understanding the world, and all of my desires for peace and justice led me to one place: bhakti. Bhakti is pure love and devotion to God. "Who is God? He is the embodiment of love and affection" (from an interview with Srila Bhaktivedanta Narayana Gosvami Maharaja, http://www.purebhakti.com/mission/bhakti-is-love-mainmenu-75/821-interview-with-srila-bhaktivedanta-narayana-gosvami-maharaja.html ).
So the second enormous topic is what is in India: bhakti. Just as there are so many different strands that brought me here, there are innumerable ways to understand bhakti. It has historical, philosophical, scientific, and spiritual threads that together make up what it means to understand and practice bhakti. But the only thing that holds it all together is the heart. Today is Srila Bhaktivedanta Narayana Gosvami Maharaja's birthday. Narayana Maharaja is the primary guru in this line of Gaudiya Vaisnavism. Narayana Maharaja (or, Gurudeva, as he is called by those who are under his guidance for the development of their spiritual consciousness) is the reason I am in India. It is through Gurudeva and others who practice bhakti in its most pure form (a number that can be counted on one hand, as the rest of us are merely scrounging for the remnants of their unconditional love), that we are able to see our ultimate goal and that we are able to begin to understand what is love. Then there is the business of practicing love, which is another story altogether. So this is what I am attempting to do - to understand and practice love. What does this mean? It means humility, tolerance, selflessness. It means destroying the anger, greed, lust, bewilderment, and ignorance that control our behavior and perception of the world and our purpose in it. And how do we do this? We follow the familiar learning process that we're used to in all other endeavors of life, from learning to read to building space shuttles. We learn from a teacher, someone who has the skill we desire and the ability to transmit this to us. Practicing bhakti means hearing, remembering and, for those of us who are most fortunate, seeing what it means to come from a place of love. This is what I am doing in India. And I'm writing because I am grateful that someone would share this process with me. So, once again, Narayana Maharaja has given me the energy and the focus to achieve something that I've wanted to do for a very long time. Finally, I am sharing what is truly meaningful to me with you all. The rest of my goals (humility, restraint, selflessness, compassion, etc) will take longer to achieve, but I pray that I will continue to do this work and not be distracted by the nonsense that pulls us away from what we are all seeking: love.
So, there's no telling whether or not I will ever elaborate on any of these topics, which I truly want to do, but as I've explained, am far too lazy to accomplish. In any case, I hope this post has been somewhat coherent and that you accustomed yourself to my passion for parenthesis, commas and run on sentences. Until next time.
hare krishna,
Kayleigh
Thursday, January 14, 2010
New Promises
I, Kayleigh Gamble (or Kamala, as I am called here), promise never to post anything of substance in my blog or describe to you the revolutionary processes of cleaning out the heart that is transpiring here in India.
Done and done!
I SWEAR I feel bad for not sharing more. Unfortunately, I have not conquered my laziness and thus do not make time in my day to coherently organize my thoughts in a way that will be both stimulating and insightful. What happens is that during various times of the day I come up with different ideas and topics that would be great to share and I even start to develop them slightly, but that is as far as it goes. For example, one day I will tell you about the importance of humility and tolerance and what I've observed here regarding these terms. Another day I will tell you about exploitation and analyze the responses of "progressive" liberals to global problems. Another day I will talk about the difference between material and spiritual practices and why they are relevant. Another day I will post pictures. Another day I will tell you what it's like to get to spend the entire day practicing being a perfect human being.
Wait a second, per my new promise, I will not be elaborating on any such topics! Perhaps I will break this one later also. Sending lots of love your way!
hare krishna,
Kayleigh
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