My Deepest Desire

Trust the moment Hear the moment See the moment Feel the moment Feel you in the moment

My Deepest desire

My deepest desire the one that
i try never to listen to
is to get rid of everything
completely obliterate the past

perhaps....I don't have to be an ascetic to do that

but no!! this is my deepest desire
to own absolutely nothing
well, yes. except maybe a toothbrush....

i even despise the fact that i have to brush my teeth! 

no, the fact that my teeth could fall out if I don't brush them!

My Deepest Desire
"Free falling, complete" - Björk

my deepest desire: to only experience joy....

it's true. joy feels so good!

There are so many different feelings that could arise alongside crying...
but usually crying feels good too.

Soul Resonance

Our madness is the path to our sanity. We either self-destruct or integrate, either way we come back as One. Now that's Mercy.

Curiosity and passion for Earth Consciousness and Love of Humanity led me to Masanobu Fukuoka's writing. Scrolling to the incorrect chapter, I read:

"Relative thought and discernment do not bring us closer to the true answers, through their judgment of things. Rather, they simply increase the causes of suffering.

The only method for clarifying and resolving things is to return to the one mind that lies at the source of all things, the mind of no-self. There is no other way. If they do not understand this, people cannot know anything or do anything. That is to say. people have neither known anything nor done anything. But it can also be said that there is no one who understands this fact.

People think they understand life and death, but they do not understand true life and death. In essence, there are not two sides, life and death, to human life. The one true life is divided by human knowledge into the two sides of life and death, and life is only life in relation to death. They can only see one side at a time and therefore cannot see the whole. They are only under the illusion that they have grasped the fundamental life."

This and further excerpts reminded me of a journal exercise of mine from March 11th this year - one of the most esoteric subconscious writings I had encountered from my right hand. Kayleigh first wrote to herself:

"Time to let go of Fear of Success, Fear of Loss, Fear of Failure. Time to invest in me, life energy. Fearlessly. Courageously. Do you even know what I mean? No. Kayleigh, I want to have a message for you. Do you? I do. Do you? It's true? Do you? actually, I don't know, so here we go"

I then consciously gave my expression over to something outside of my own mind, though obviously still related to it. This was the message:

"Life does not exist, neither does death. You do not control, neither do you decide. You are a seed in the wind, have not tasted your own fruit. How can you name your qualities without the fruit having fallen from the tree? What do you know of Me? Why are you begging for juice that does not exist? Fruit does not bear just because you persist. Do you not trust in nature, Myself? You do not think the seed has within itself the Knowledge to grow? You think your thoughts can make apples appear instantaneously? You think your desire is magic?  You are confusing time. Growth is Divine. The plant is in no hurry. What do think is missing? All is contained within. Trust me in all matters of movement. If you can trust, you will see. Speed is Me. I never let my seed dry. Your tears do not make it grow. It does not need your water. My seeds grow in joy, patience, passion, neutrality - Presence. They have nowhere to go. Self-generating. Accepting. You are confused because you are lost in Death; Accept. Everyone is a seed in my forest. There is no time."

For the first time, I did not comprehend the message I was given. I thought that perhaps since I was so eager for a message, my conscious mind forced these thoughts out, stripping them of the purity I recognize when an understanding/teaching comes greater than one my egoic identity can produce. I am fascinated to read Fukuoma's writings. To me, they come from the same breath as my journal exercise. The more I strip away that which does not serve me, the stronger comes the message: there is absolutely nothing I need outside of myself to find my own Harmony. The more courage I apply in expressing my internal longings, innocence and Divine inheritance, the more I will come to experience the Intelligence that bestows peace, clarity and love. Fukuoka says,

"If we devote ourselves wholeheartedly to life, death disappears, and if we know the true aspect of the world, then the world after death will vanish. If we look with the eyes of God (no-mind), there is neither life nor death, this world nor a hereafter. All there is is the life of this world."

The world of life and death does not exist. All there is is Life. Void and Love are the same. I know exactly how to devote myself wholeheartedly to life, but I cower at the opportunity and die at my own expense. I guess I have more patience than I thought. Even though I am still guided by fears, I know I am moving towards my Heart; there is no other place I can go.